13/06/2023
Ciao amore mio,
today its a bad anniversary…you know that right? it’s 24 years that my dad (your grandpa) passed away. Its always a weird day for me…super weird indeed, but anyways I am not here to speak about this.
I have a bit of time and I thought of writing you about what’s going on in our life right now. You are 5 and a half years of age and in this very very moment you are on the way to a sleepover at your great friend Harper’s house. Harper is a Korean super cute kid, that went to school with you for 4 years and now moved to an International school. You guys adore each other and I really like her family too. Tonight you will do your first sleepover at her place and you possibly couldn’t be more excited than you are. You are beyond ecstatic to do it. This morning you came into my room at 6 am, telling me that you couldn’t sleep any longer for excitement. Well baby I hope this will be all you wish for and then some. I will hear all about it tomorrow.
In this blog entry I wanted to talk to you about my last trip to China. I was in China from May 28th till June 10th (minus a little 2 days that I took to myself completely to go to Seoul….by the way AMAZING CITY…cant wait to go there with you…as a matter of fact Harper’s mum last night told me she would love to have us over in the coming years). So anyways this was my last business trip to Shanghai as an Asian resident. Soon we will move back to Italy.
The reasons that are driving me back are for the most financially, but as time passed by and this idea became more and more solid in my brain, I realised that in fact this is exactly what I wanted and needed. I dont know exactly how that is going to be, as I have not lived at home since I was 19 – I was living in Venice before moving to Shanghai – but I know that I am willing to take on the challenge and begin to look at the world from the starting point but with a huge and brand new set of knowledge and experiences under my belt. I am sure that the world from there will look different but also very different from what it used to look when I was living there before 19. Well my dad was still alive then…and defo the world was different.
Anyways all of that said, I was walking through Shanghai the other day, coming home from office and I passed by my old house. That house was my house since 2004…many people passed through that place and that single apartment holds a big chunk of my life…I can tell you that for sure. For once, thats where I found out you existed. That, in a way, was your first home…inside of me.
Shanghai for me means many many things, I have its characters tattooed on my right ribs. It’s a city that carries everything for me: in every corner I can see myself having fun at 25…I can see myself opening my first company at 26…I can see myself heart-broken at 29….I can see myself celebrating my 30 birthday with close to 60 people…I can see myself learning how to own my own…I can see myself facing another culture and making it mine in a way…I can see myself becoming a woman there…and for this I will forever be grateful to it. Landing in Pudong airport brings always the same feeling…love and hate but home. I was telling someone lately that going back to Shanghai after 3 and a half years of Covid, felt like going back to an old boyfriend: you feel very very comfortable with him cause he knows and you know him inside and out BUT you know there is no future. So you can linger there for a while cause you are comfortable there but you know, there will be little to no growth there anymore. And thats exactly how I feel. You see, china is going through a lot, politically, you will study this on books and I will be ready to tell you all about it. So it is changing a ton but yeah, sometimes comfort doesn’t mean right. And this is another thing you need to learn: the fact you feel comfortable in something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do or to continue doing. Diamonds are born under the biggest pressure and pressure I am sure is very very uncomfortable, so yeah I am definitely done with living in the city, but I will never ever deny the importance of that place/city/moment for the economy of my life.
As a matter of fact when I first moved to Shanghai, it was anything but comfortable, I can tell you that much. But we had the best of the best years that it had to offer, of this I am 100% sure.
So now we are leaving…I will make another post for singapore…your first real home and where your English accent comes from (Jeez). Now I have to go back to work.
Remember my wonderful child, that I love you beyond my capacity of understanding and there is nothing you cannot do in this world and I will always have your back.
La mamma