Casalmaggiore, Italy 21st November 2023…OGGI COMPI 6 ANNI!!!
Questo post sarà un po’ in inglese un po’ in italiano…un po’ e un po’…un po’ come la tua vita ora…un po’ in between…in between things and situations…in between lifestyles and habits…un po’ di italianità e un po’ di Asia. Il tuo primo compleanno in Italia…lo so che la tua mamma ti chiede tanti sforzi e ti posso dire, amore mio, che tu stai già facendo tantissimo e benissimo. Sono fiera della donnina che stai diventando. You are a force to be reckoned with and I am in awe of your strength at such young age.
Ti auguro sempre questa capacità di adattamento, questa apertura e questo sorriso splendido. Questo entusiasmo e questa spontaneità. Remember mama will always be behind you, so never be afraid to spread your wings…there is no fall I won’t catch while I will teach you how to fall standing.
We are the best team there is….like we always say before sleeping!
Ti amo alla follia…love you a million billion trillion
I am writing from our couch in Singapore, in a house that is almost empty….well definitely messy, a few days before taking you back to Italy to live. I will come back by myself on July 10th to pack the last bit of our belongings and put 21 years of my adult life in one container and come back to you. Come back to you…to our new home…to your brand brand new home but that is my old home.
I left home when I was 19, in 1997. I decided a few years before then, that I wanted to study Chinese language and culture and at that time the only place close to my home, that taught Chinese was Venice “Ca’ Foscari”. As a matter of fact, that was a great university for Oriental studies, I dare say the best in Italy. So I remember I packed with nonno and nonna and I found a flat at Zattere…just behind Accademia. I moved there with a girl that was with me in high school, but I wont spend time talking about her cause this lady added very little to my existence and I really believe she is not worth any mention in my dialogue with you.
Since then, lots of things changed. My dad died in 1999 (June 13th) and I kept coming back and forth from Venice (I was also in a very serious relationship at the time) but I never went back to live there on a regular base. Back home that is Casalmaggiore/Vicomoscano. On November 23rd 2002 (exactly 23 days after my graduation) I moved to Shanghai. I went with Marco (Bresciani – I hope he is still in our life now that you read…he is still now that I am writing this) and I have never left Shanghai till 2017 when I was about to have you.
Now I am ready to go back…at first my decision was driven by the fact that the financial pressure in Singapore as single solo parent entrepreneur was literally eating me alive and therefore I decided I had to move cause my lifestyle, although formidable for some aspects, was not sustainable anymore. But the more this idea was created and the more this idea was becoming a solid reality, the more I was owning it at many different levels.
I thought… well yeah I can explore more professional options there…..well yeah I can save money on some things and invest them in making my girl (you) travel Europe…well yeah I can see many people that have moved from Asia way more often now…well yeah I can drive every day…well yeah I can rest my mind a bit, being in a place where I don’t need to justify my presence as I am a citizen of this country finally….well yeah I can finally have some rights….but in the end I have realised (just recently to be fair) that I need to go back to where everything started to keep on growing up. In a bizarre and unexpected way I feel I need this deeply…I need to reconcile my old me – the young girl – and the me now – the adult woman and mother – and make these two people meet and be one…no more dichotomy and I feel I can only do this there…and nowhere else in the world.
And I deeply feel that if I don’t do, I won’t continue in my growing and maturing process. I have never lived as an adult back there… I have never had my own place there. For obvious reasons too, but somehow that didn’t allow me to step out and up from the “daughter-girl” role and being who I am really. It took me many hours of therapy, many many conversations with my friends, many many books to finally understand this…and when I say conversations or books I am not saying that we were talking about this topic specifically or even about me specifically, for that matter…but when you are used to speak to yourself and try your best to read yourself deeply, ANYTHING can become a spark of enlightenment and a spark of epiphany and clearance. So through all of that now, I can tell you I NEED TO GO BACK TO MY HOME. I need to do it for me and a direct consequence for you, who are the most powerful inspirations of all my deeds. I want to be a much better version of myself every day that I wake up, I do this for myself cause I know you are looking. And don’t get me wrong, sometimes being better than yesterday, might mean, just chilling and learn how to rest. Yes because when you are an over achiever, you are a victim of your own expectations (most times driven by the way you have been raised) and you must learn how to step away from it. I am learning…and I am also learning my worth and that my needs are important. And that I need to appreciate myself and be proud of who I am and to ask for help (that is a tough one for me).
I wont get into the details of the many folds that the sentences I wrote above carry, but one day I will tell you all, maybe in the next post…God knows. What I can tell you for sure though, is that you should never stop working towards understanding yourself…that relationship is the most important one you will ever have….above all, above anyone’s. In the last 3 years I had a good guidance through my therapist (Laura), that I had to say goodbye to on Monday (I cried a lot) and its been hard work but SO LIBERATING to do the work. I will keep in touch with her, cause I know that once I will be back and my two MEs will meet, it might be a bit destabilising, therefore I will keep on having her in my corner to help me navigate my complex emotional world.
Ok I just wanted to tell you this.
You are in school at the moment, you are very excited to get to Italy and Saturday you have a birthday party to go to that you cannot wait for.
You are a wonderful child and I am oh so lucky to be your mother.
today its a bad anniversary…you know that right? it’s 24 years that my dad (your grandpa) passed away. Its always a weird day for me…super weird indeed, but anyways I am not here to speak about this.
I have a bit of time and I thought of writing you about what’s going on in our life right now. You are 5 and a half years of age and in this very very moment you are on the way to a sleepover at your great friend Harper’s house. Harper is a Korean super cute kid, that went to school with you for 4 years and now moved to an International school. You guys adore each other and I really like her family too. Tonight you will do your first sleepover at her place and you possibly couldn’t be more excited than you are. You are beyond ecstatic to do it. This morning you came into my room at 6 am, telling me that you couldn’t sleep any longer for excitement. Well baby I hope this will be all you wish for and then some. I will hear all about it tomorrow.
In this blog entry I wanted to talk to you about my last trip to China. I was in China from May 28th till June 10th (minus a little 2 days that I took to myself completely to go to Seoul….by the way AMAZING CITY…cant wait to go there with you…as a matter of fact Harper’s mum last night told me she would love to have us over in the coming years). So anyways this was my last business trip to Shanghai as an Asian resident. Soon we will move back to Italy.
The reasons that are driving me back are for the most financially, but as time passed by and this idea became more and more solid in my brain, I realised that in fact this is exactly what I wanted and needed. I dont know exactly how that is going to be, as I have not lived at home since I was 19 – I was living in Venice before moving to Shanghai – but I know that I am willing to take on the challenge and begin to look at the world from the starting point but with a huge and brand new set of knowledge and experiences under my belt. I am sure that the world from there will look different but also very different from what it used to look when I was living there before 19. Well my dad was still alive then…and defo the world was different.
Anyways all of that said, I was walking through Shanghai the other day, coming home from office and I passed by my old house. That house was my house since 2004…many people passed through that place and that single apartment holds a big chunk of my life…I can tell you that for sure. For once, thats where I found out you existed. That, in a way, was your first home…inside of me.
Shanghai for me means many many things, I have its characters tattooed on my right ribs. It’s a city that carries everything for me: in every corner I can see myself having fun at 25…I can see myself opening my first company at 26…I can see myself heart-broken at 29….I can see myself celebrating my 30 birthday with close to 60 people…I can see myself learning how to own my own…I can see myself facing another culture and making it mine in a way…I can see myself becoming a woman there…and for this I will forever be grateful to it. Landing in Pudong airport brings always the same feeling…love and hate but home. I was telling someone lately that going back to Shanghai after 3 and a half years of Covid, felt like going back to an old boyfriend: you feel very very comfortable with him cause he knows and you know him inside and out BUT you know there is no future. So you can linger there for a while cause you are comfortable there but you know, there will be little to no growth there anymore. And thats exactly how I feel. You see, china is going through a lot, politically, you will study this on books and I will be ready to tell you all about it. So it is changing a ton but yeah, sometimes comfort doesn’t mean right. And this is another thing you need to learn: the fact you feel comfortable in something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do or to continue doing. Diamonds are born under the biggest pressure and pressure I am sure is very very uncomfortable, so yeah I am definitely done with living in the city, but I will never ever deny the importance of that place/city/moment for the economy of my life.
As a matter of fact when I first moved to Shanghai, it was anything but comfortable, I can tell you that much. But we had the best of the best years that it had to offer, of this I am 100% sure.
So now we are leaving…I will make another post for singapore…your first real home and where your English accent comes from (Jeez). Now I have to go back to work.
Remember my wonderful child, that I love you beyond my capacity of understanding and there is nothing you cannot do in this world and I will always have your back.
I need to write more blogs in English, as I am coming to realise that English is definitely a language you feel way more comfortable speaking. Therefore, as I want every single drop of meaning to be arriving to you, I must write more blogs in English…Well first of all I need to be way better and disciplined into writing into your blog and secondly, I have to post much more using the English language.
Here what I wrote on social media on Nov 21st 2022 for your birthday
‘Happy birthday my angel…remember there is nothing in this life you can do that will make me stop loving you…you are by far my favourite person in the world…thank you for choosing me as your mother and believe I will always go above and beyond to be a safe port for you with all my being. My ceiling will always be your foundation and playground and I will make sure I will never cease to increase my heights…I never did and never will. Ti amo follemente… La mamma’
To refresh your memory, we celebrated finally by having a real party at our condo and you wanted an Elsa cake…yes when you were small “Frozen” was pretty much the obsession for a decade for little girls and Elsa was the main character of this story.
There were kids from your school – Harper, Eva, Liliana, Elias, Harissa – and also Edo, Max, Noor, Amaan, Raahil and little Imaan. There was also a special guest that is Zia Linda..oh yes she was visiting us during that time so you really were surrounded by people that truly loved you.
You were wearing your polka dots blue dress (inherited by Pepe Cati) and you looked amazing with your beautiful and smiley face.
You received so many gifts and you loved every little bit of it.
mi sono resa conto ora che non ti ho fatto un post per il tuo quarto compleanno. Perdonami amore mio.
Ecco quello che ho scritto sui miei social il giorno del tuo quarto compleanno.
“Auguri Drin drin… quest’anno, per qualche strano motivo, sono priva di parole.. anomalo considerato chi sono.. e lo scoprirai presto.. ma in fondo tu mi regali fiumi di parole e allo stesso mi togli la facoltà di parlare, per quanto ti amo e per quanto la tua presenza nella mia vita, mi abbia sconvolto anima e corpo. Sei L’ossimoro più bello che potessi incontrare, Andrea… ti conoscevo anche quando eri sconosciuta.. tu hai portato una pragmatica follia alla mia esistenza .. e una sostanza impalpabile alla mia emozione…sei il senso di cui non sapevo di avere bisogno…sei la mia insegnante più importante a cui tutto devo insegnare. Ti auguro tutto ciò che ambisco a darti…perché fidati, che la tua mamma farà di tutto per far sì che sia tuo..persino l’essenziale invisibile agli occhi. Auguri vita mia!”
I am guessing I need to write something in English too, cause your primary language seems to be more and more English and alas, a bit less Italian. I am wondering which other languages you will speak by the time you will decide to read these words, but regardless of that, my goal is to make sure you understand what I have to say, so I need to use a tool you master.
I was thinking these days of the importance of reading. You know, I am guessing, by now that I FIRMLY believe that the solution to a lot of problems in this world is education. In Italian we would translate this world with istruzione and not educazione. Educazione in Italian means also education but more so it means manners, whereas istruzione refers to knowledge and studying and school related matters.
Right now you are 4 years and 4 months and you cannot read yet, but every night we read books. So you are used to the practise of having a book in your hands and “read” it, even indirectly through me, everyday. My relationship with books I would say is quite good but, like anything, there is a whole lot of space for improvement. In fact my relationship has ups and downs: there are moments where I am a machine and I read a ton of books and moments where my brain needs a bit of nonsense and so I spend my free time, numbing my brain with netflix or trash tv. I am not proud of it, but hey it is what it is.
I have to say when I was travelling more, I was reading way more cause I had a ton of time to kill in flights and commute to office, but now I am not travelling much, because of Covid, and so I really need to force myself to continue my quest in Supreme Knowledge hahahah. Impossible..that doesn’t exist but I can assure you I could do a much much better job than I am doing right now. I have a few books queued to read in the trunk and I need to get my S**T together and read. In fairness I thought of this post because, in fact, I just finished a book called “Strong female lead” by Arwa Mahdawi. I came across this book cause Zio Fil sent me to Kinokuniya to buy him a few books and as I enter the book store, this one blue volume stole my attention and I simply couldn’t help myself. You know how much I feel about our role of women in this world, so well I mean I couldn’t simply pass it and move on.
I have to say I did the right thing to buy it: I swear it is not a manifesto pro feminists and against men. Also I don’t stand for that and you know that. But I damn stand for equity and really truly non gender bias and appreciating women, IN ALL of their amazing characteristics. In short this book shows how a model of leadership closer to a feminine code or mentality, if you will, could suit much better contemporary times and matters at hands. Women, because of the way we are raised, tend to be better listeners, more diplomatic and far less ego driven than men. And thats a fact. And it’s interesting how this author says that it’s not because of a physical difference in our brain, but more because of the way we are raised and “labelled” growing up.
Anyways the goal of this post is really not to tell you about this book in specific, but more about how much I hope that reading will be your companion in life and how much I wish you to enjoy this practise as much as I do. It’s really really beautiful to do it, trust me. Personally I am still a big fan of printed books and not so much of digital version, but to each his own. The thing that I keep on wishing on you since you were born is CURIOSITY…and not curiosity as in gossip, but curiosity of knowledge…God I wish you have it, babe! It will be so so so useful in your life. TRUST YOUR MOTHER. My dad, your nonno, was a master at that: his thirst of knowledge knew no limits and he read about every subject you can think of. My memories of him, during his holidays, were, after he helped nonna, him sitting in the shadow, in a comfortable chair and a book in his hand. He could read a book a day, I kid you not. He was an amazing man and this one trait he had was very fascinating to me.
Ok I am off to the book store to buy you a colouring and lettering book cause you have a huge cold today and you are not going to school.
Ti amo amore mio perfetto…sei tutto!
Patty (yeah Patty cause these days you are calling me by name hahaha)
PS right now I am reading this book by Emma Dabiri titled “Dont touch my hair”. She is a half Irish (from mother) and half Nigerian (from father) of Yoruba descendant. I am learning the importance of hair in black culture…well about this I could write a whole chapter, cause you have no idea how much black women hair is a talking matter at the moment. Anyway I bought this book a while back and I need to learn these things for me and for you too. Ciao amore
Ho riletto ill mio ultimo post e lì dichiaravo, correva il 7 giugno 2021, che saremmo partite il 10 luglio…invece siamo partite il 15 giugno e atterrate a Malpensa all’alba del 16 giugno. Siamo partite all’improvviso per un’occasione che non avrei mai voluto vivere, ma a cui ahimè poi ho sentito imprescindibile presenziare. La morte dello zio Andrea…il 14 giugno…pensa solo il giorno dopo il nonno Paolo.
No, amore tu non porti il suo nome: semplicemente entrambi voi avete il nome più bello che ci sia…e cosi te l’ho dato.
È stato un evento molto pesante..tu non te lo ricorderai senz’altro, ma per la mamma è stato un evento piuttosto traumatico. Lo zio Andrea era ed è una persona molto importante nella mia vita: lo conosco da quando sono nata e a volte ancora mi vengono dei flash a pensare che non ci sia più e mi manca il fiato un pochino. Piango mentre ti scrivo queste parole perché sai, tante volte, vedrai, succedono cose nella vita che sono profondamente ingiuste e sicuro questa è una di quelle volte. Lo zio Andrea non era una persona qualunque…era dotato di una forza che credo poche persone possiedono. Credo che questa forza nascesse dall’amore smisurato che aveva per la sua famiglia..in toto (nonno nonna e zio Danio inclusi) ma soprattutto per la zia Chicca e la Sofia. Sono CERTA che lui traesse tutta questa forza e determinazione da questo amore che aveva e bisogna ammettere che questa fonte energetica l’abbia tenuto in vita per tantissimo tempo…oltre forse le aspettative della scienza.
Ma sai l’amore è una capacità dell’uomo incredibile..per citare Dante…”move il sole e l’altre stelle” e io credo che possa fare anche miracoli perché scatena l’inferno in paradiso!
Durante il viaggio in aereo, mentre tu dormivi abbracciata al tuo pinguino, io riflettevo e piangevo…ho buttato giù due righe rispetto a quello che provavo e dopo averle modificate un po’ la sera prima del funerale, mi sono sentita, grazie al permesso della zia Chicca, di leggerle in chiesa.
Te le copio…credo che ti possa dare uno spaccato di ciò che Andrea abbia significato per me e per tanti. Dico questo perché al cimitero tanti mi hanno avvicinato, professando che sentivano le stesse cose e pensavano le stesse cose. A me è servito esserci stata: non sarei riuscita a gestire questo evento in remoto…era troppo. E sebbene sia stato un evento molto molto doloroso, che ripeto non avrei mai voluto vivere, il dolore era solo direttamente proporzionale all’amore provato per lui. L’energia era tanta…le lacrime erano tante…ma l’amore era infinito. Mio fratello Andrea era unico e tutti la pensano come me. Ora è là insieme al nonno e ad altre persone che gli hanno voluto bene…ma io lo penso insieme al mio papà più di tutti. Mi mancano molto entrambi…ti lascio le mie parole…ti amo, la mamma!
“Come tutti sapete io considero Andrea un fratello… l’amicizia tra i nostri papà ha fatto in modo che noi crescessimo insieme. Tanti dei miei primi ricordi coinvolgono Andrea.. a Tavon, San Romedio, l’orso Charlie, all’isola d’Elba, in vacanza in Puglia, o a Vico.. alla fiera di San Carlo alla domenica mattina alle 8 (chi conosce Giuseppe e Paolo sa!), mia nonna Maria che lo amava per mille motivi e anche perché ‘l’è sempar lucid’…il cortile Lazzari.. un’istituzione, la Laika, il pallone di Platini, la motoretta della polizia, i due laghi, o quella volta che mio papà ci era venuto a prendere prima alla Provvidenza per andare a pescare (la leggenda narra che sia stato un fiasco pazzesco) o quella volta che l’ultimo dell’anno a Tavon, eravamo scesi in pigiama mano nella mano che si e no sapevamo camminare. crescendo siamo sempre stati parte della vita l’uno dell’altra. Poi Naturalmente si è anche aggiunto lo spacca palle.. anche conosciuto come Danio Lazzari. E per fortuna.. così di fratelli alla fine io ne ho due. Come tutte le storie di fratelli.. ci sono stati momenti dove ci siamo cercati più di altri ma alla fine la certezza della presenza non era mai in discussione. È così che si fa con la famiglia.
Si dice che quando il gioco si fa duro, i duri cominciano a giocare… e tu, bomber, come ti chiamano tutti, lo hai dimostrato in prima persona. Ero presente quando ti avevano diagnosticato il primo problema.. ricordo che avevi versato qualche lacrima per pochi minuti e poi ti eri armato di coraggio e determinazione ed avevi affrontato questo inquilino del tuo corpo prendendolo per le corna a testa alta.. e infatti avevi avuto la meglio. A testa alta…certo.. perché insieme alla forza determinazione e coraggio… oh quanto coraggio.. ci hai insegnato la dignità con cui hai intrapreso queste lotte nella tua vita. Mai una lamentela, mai una critica, sempre il bicchiere mezzo pieno.. anche quando quel bicchiere – che tanto alla nostra cerchia di amici piace…astemi tutti qui.. quel bicchiere che a volte non eri nemmeno in grado di prendere in mano, ma andava sempre tutto bene, a detta tua. tu non sei mai stato vittima.. e infatti nessuno ti ha mai guardato così e nemmeno oggi lo facciamo. Nemmeno oggi hai perso, sappilo, Andri. Hai sempre avuto la volontà di non farci preoccupare, di farti carico del tuo e del nostro… anche quando in realtà eravamo tutti pronti ad alleggerirti il fardello. Ma questa cosa non appartiene alle persone come te… quelle che si sporcano le mani a piene mani.
Ieri parlando con il Lanzo abbiamo dedotto che chi ti ha conosciuto solo negli ultimi anni, non immagina chi eri prima che la vita ti lanciasse la sfida più grande della tua vita. Bè a voi dico, per usare un’espressione che a Ortesi Senior piaceva molto, l’era na forsa ad la natüra.
Trovo assurdo leggerti queste parole in questo luogo in questo momento, ma una cosa mi tranquillizza un pochino.. sei in buona compagnia… dove sei ora ci sono diversi guerrieri che ti hanno amato come un figlio… penso ad Albino, alla Luisa, alla Wilma (che certamente ti avrà già dato qualcosa da fare), a Fulvio, alla Rita, a Giuseppe, alla Lele, alla Francy e naturalmente al mio papà che con te aveva un rapporto più unico che raro, come io penso di avere col tuo.
Laura, Giuseppe, Danio, Chicca e Sofia ci stringiamo tutti intorno a voi.. vi porto parole di affetto e conforto da tutte le parti del mondo.. tutti mi hanno chiesto di essere messaggera della loro solidarietà e affetto per voi perché in fondo conoscervi, seppure tramite me, significa amarvi. Ma in realtà la grande famiglia Lazzari.. tutta dal primo all’ultimo non ha bisogno di presentazioni… la famiglia Lazzari È…e io mi sento privilegiata di sentirmene membra. Mi dà grande soddisfazione quando la mia bambina chiama Giuseppe e la Laura nonno e nonna.
Non voglio dilungarmi troppo anche se potrei Stare ore a parlare di te…Ti devo salutare ora fratello mio… amico… esempio… ti voglio un sacco di bene e mi mancherai moltissimo. Andri, che la terra ti sia lieve.. rest in power, grande guerriero!”
come sempre ho latitato. In realtà la costanza credo che sia una caratteristica che mi appartenga in maniera decente, ma l’ultimo anno è stato un anno che leggerai sui libri di storia e che forse avrà cambiato irreversibilmente tutta l’umanità.
È stato un anno di COVID, un anno in cui più che mai abbiamo capito quanto la vita sociale e la libertà di movimento siano le cose che più contano a questo mondo insieme alla famiglia naturalmente.
Siamo bloccate a Singapore dalla fine di febbraio 2020 senza vedere nessuno della nostra famiglia e non ti nascondo che per me siano stati mesi molto molto duri, sebbene la verità è che lo sono stati per tutti indistintamente per motivi diversi chi più chi meno: tutti noi abbiamo le nostre ulteriori zavorre che si aggiungono alla nostra già precaria sanità emotiva.
Ma forse la luce alla fine del tunnel si comincia a vedere: il mondo intero si sta man mano vaccinando, con la speranza che potremo cominciare a viaggiare un po’ più liberamente. In ogni caso qualsiasi sia la condizione degli altri, noi il 10 luglio saliremo su un aereo e torneremo in Italia FINALMENTE!! Abbiamo la fortuna che il mio lavoro sia flessibile e quindi possiamo permetterci il lusso di andare e tornare quando sarà possibile, bypassando l’incertezza di poter rientrare e quindi l’impossibilità di tornare dalla nostra famiglia per un periodo.
Credo che questa condizione di straniero, a volte sia un po’ pesante, sebbene la maggior parte delle volte porti tante cose positive, non arriva mai senza un costo…un costo materiale (indubbiamente, non avendo nessun diritto qui) e un costo emotivo che è oggettivamente molto più importante allo stato attuale.
Tu sei molto eccitata di tornare e vedere la nonna, la zia e altre persone che menzioni regolarmente, oltre che vuoi andare in piscina, in montagna e al mare. Non credo che tu capisca cosa significhi andare in Italia ma per ora sei tutta contenta e lo dici a tutti.
Stai crescendo tanto, sei più di un metro e 10 e pesi più di 21 chili..una piccola amazzone che io amo ogni gg di più.
Ok devo cominciare a lavorare…volevo solo scriverti due righe.
mamma ha latitato. intanto ti copio il post che ho fatto per il tuo terzo compleanno, che riassume tante delle cose che penso di te.
“3 years ago, just by coming into this world, you made me a different woman and human being. You taught me what love, strength, weakness, determination and sacrifice really mean! Thank you so much for choosing me to be your vehicle into this existence and through this life, till you will allow me and even when you won’t, I will still be there.. by your side as your sword, behind your back as your shield and under your feet as your foundation! I wish you strength, intelligence, humility, intuition, compassion, capacity to level up and even level down, when necessary.. I wish you the wisdom to pick your battles in order to always win your war.. I wish you enough perception of your self worth, that you can become wall to someone else’s disrespect… I wish you failures so that you will learn how to pick yourself and your pieces up and re-build your improved new shape.. I wish you to appreciate your cracks and your scars cause those are your medals.. I wish you to really get to know yourself…to be able to embark into that trip inside yourself that will really make you free… I wish you to always be thirsty of knowledge and avidly curious… I wish you to appreciate hard work…I wish you to appreciate a healthy lifestyle and to treat your body as your temple…I wish you success too and ambition.. oh ambition… God, your mama loves ambition… she loves to dive into the lion’s den… she didn’t always come out a winner, but damn she fought! So yeah learn how to fight for what you want… but respect the others. Don’t take anything and anyone for granted… remember that no one owes you anything… not even me. You owe to yourself though… you owe yourself respect, time, effort, sometimes kindness… well always kindness, but don’t indulge too much.. just the right amount. Believe in your humble self and don’t show off your swagging smirk… oh that smirk… I fall in love with it every time I see it and when I think I can’t love you more than this… well then I learn that I can love you more. I am crying just thinking about it. You were a great gift to me, Andrea… thank you for it all… I am honored to be your mother and your accomplice. Happy birthday, Andrea Maria (that’s how you call yourself lately.. even though you can’t pronounce the letter R like a proper Italian… 🤦♀️). Ti amo più del sole e della luna e di tutto il firmamento! Vita mia! La tua mamma!
Ps: ti volevo dire che, quando decidi di dormire e ti giri sul fianco con entrambe le manine sotto la guancia, e mi dici ‘good night, mama!’, ci vuole tutta la mia forza per non stropicciarti di baci e coccole e fermare il tempo per tenerti così tutta mia per sempre! ❤️ sei, senza ombra di dubbio, la cosa più bella che abbia mai fatto! “
chissà come sarai, dove sarai e chi sarai quando leggerai queste parole. Chissà come sarò e dove sarò io quando leggerai queste parole. Chi sono io lo so già e penso che sarò una versione di me ora un po’ più vecchia e saggia (almeno lo spero). Oggi è 10 marzo 2020, siamo in piena crisi da coronavirus…probabilmente lo avrai letto sui libri, chissà. Comunque siamo rimaste in Italia 70 gg dal 21 dicembre al 27 febbraio per colpa di questo virus e per colpa di questo stesso virus, siamo scappate dall’Italia prima che questa epidemia prendesse, ahi noi, piede anche lì e ci chiudessero le porte di casa qua a Singapore. Stiamo vivendo un momento di grande paura ed incertezza. È molto brutto sai…ma sempre c’è di peggio…e dobbiamo solo guardare avanti. Ti ho appena visto correre in camera tua per fare il pisolino e ho pensato di scriverti perché sei la cosa più bella della mia vita! A volte ancora non mi capacito che tu sia tutta mia e ti abbia fatto io.
Sei veramente speciale…sei veramente quello che conta e mi auguro di riuscire sempre a darti tutto ciò di cui avrai bisogno. Ho sentito l’esigenza di scriverti perché non sono giorni facili: incertezze sul lavoro e personali e poi ti guardo e penso…ma guarda lì chi hai e tutto scompare. Ti auguro un giorno che i tuoi figli ti daranno le soddisfazioni che tu stai dando a me.
